Sunday, June 13, 2010

Waiting for Forever

Does everything die?
Well, yes, eventually everything dies.
Even cars?
I suppose in there own way cars die too.
I wish that nothing ever died.
Yeah, me too.

How long is forever?

The first one came with no warning. It grew rapidly inside me accompanied by intense, violent pain with waves of nausea, dizziness and disorientation, shortness of breath. Reflexively I wrenched and disgorged a large, tar-black, waxy mass covered in blood. I caught my breath briefly as another one grew. I felt feverish and dizzy to the point of hallucination. As I stood and walked, the room moved independently of me as if some infection had taken over my inner ear. My knees buckled. Everything was askew. The floor slid back and forth under me and the walls no longer stood plumb to the floor but rather at slight angles like some horrible fun-house. I became aware of a low rumble through everything, barely audible, but resonating in my bones. Then came another tar-black, waxy mass covered in blood. This one larger than the first. My chest and throat ached as it passed. This continued through the night and into the morning. And again, and again, came the tar-black, waxy masses. The low dissonant rumble had taken over my body as if it were somehow vibrating loose the growths and giving them harmonic energy to grow.

In vain I searched for medicine but none exists. Then holy men and women, healers from all around the village, came and laid hands on me. These shamans guided the tumorous growths out so as to not let their toxins build inside. Some shamans, I saw, became infected as the same dissonant rumble entered them. In anguish they began discouraging similar tar-black waxy masses covered in blood. Some large, some small. This continued, day and night.

And over time the the growths have slowed in frequency and size. The dizziness and nausea have abated. There are occasional flare ups and I hear from others who have been infected to expect that. And some of the toxin lingers and probably will forever.

But the low dissonant rumble continues. And I now suspect it was always there and will continue forever. Which is the longest time there is.


  1. I'm so sorry Amy is gone, John. I'm so very sorry. I wish I could undo it all - this horrible nightmare. I'm here.

    ~ Jessica G.

  2. "How long is forever"
    Hugs to you and your boys.