Tuesday, January 25, 2011


I met Amy shortly after her 31st birthday.  She told me her birth date and I dutifully remembered it.  Incorrectly.  Somehow January 20th stuck in my mind.  One year I asked what she wanted to do for her birthday this coming Saturday. 
"Saturday?"  She queried.  "My birthday is on Monday.  You DO remember my birthday is on the 22nd, right?" 
"Yes, yes, of COURSE I remember," I lied.

And then one year I renewed our benefits and slipped again by filling out the paperwork with dependent information and the wrong birthday. Amy noticed this when getting a prescription and was denied coverage for she was the wrong Amy with a different birthdate.

Luckily, Roe v. Wade day is also Amy's birthday.  She would sometimes joke that people always protested in front on the Supreme Court on her birthday. So from time to time I did what any normal person would do to recall her birthday:  Google "Roe v Wade."

Saturday Amy turned 43.  We released purple balloons at the Middle School like we did on Mother's Day.  And then the boys and I ran down and up the big hill nearby.  It was very cold, we wore ourselves out and I tweaked my achilles.

There have been billions of January 22nds even before January existed. And billions more will come.  Yet this is our first January 22 apart since being together.  The Sun and Earth will conspire again and again to create more January 22nds.  And nothing I know stops that.  And nothing stops the love you gave us, nor the love I hope you received.  That I will never forget.


  1. I am so touched by your post. This time of year is challenging for me as well. Jan. 23rd is my oldest daughter's birthday. 39 this year. I miss her every single day.

    When she died it was completely incomprehensible that the world went on in it's usual way.

  2. I am not sure how I stumbled across your blog, but I did. From the moment I started reading, I was hooked. You are a wonderful writer.
    I am saddened, yet feel that there is a reason for everything. You are in my prayers.
    The tears will gradually diminish but don’t worry, the memories will always be there.
    May you continue to find strength and support and human warmth from sources known and unknown…

  3. I discovered your blog tonight and found a wonderful writer. I am very sorry for your loss and hope that the words you write will help you and others who have also lost big to move step-by-step toward healing.