|Screen capture from yelp.com June 11, 2012|
I’ve been experiencing it lately. In larger and larger doses. It’s been gradually moving in over the past six months or so. On the surface it’s easy to explain. It’s been just over two years since Amy died. Year 1 was about standing back up and dusting myself off. Year 2 was about recreating our nest including a non-trivial home remodeling project, having Lori move in, and (re) kick-starting family counseling. And now here we are in Year 3, which is about, well, about just living. Or maybe something else. Who knows.
And I’m 45. Widowed or not, I’m due for my mid-life crises. But I have no interest. Plus an affair or a convertible just seems like too much effort or expense. Besides its just too cliché.
My shrink says I’m holding in my anger. Well, she doesn’t exactly say that, but leads me to it. Or at least doesn’t stop me when I suggest it. Regardless, the past several weeks, at least, we seem to come back to some discussion of emotional flatness and a deep, buried rage. My acupuncturist agrees, of sorts. Apparently I have an abundance of yin. Or my yin is over-compensating. Yin is cold and damp. Yang is hot and dry. Anger, and with it passion and enthusiasm, are yang-ish. Perhaps to protect myself I have developed an excess yin to keep cool and protect myself (and others?) from whatever hot yang stuff, like anger and rage, lurks. But with the anger and rage, enthusiasm and passion are doused. Suppressed emotions or over-active yin, I just can't get too excited about it.
The Chinese developed this understanding over many, many years. The French did us the favor of simplifying our understanding of this common malady with a single, perfect word: ennui.
I really like the word. Ennui. I like the way it sounds. An-we. I like saying it with a slightly nasally, snobby, French accent: Ahn-wee. And I love the fact that it was the French that created the word. Who else? And I especially love that The Ennui Café is closed. But of course it is!
|Screen capture from Dictionary.com June 11, 2012|
What ever concerns lingered from The Ennui Café’s closure disappeared. There are, it turns out, plenty of Ennuis and at Great Prices too!
Of course! American capitalism will solve the existential problem of the The Ennui Café's closure. We'll just buy more!